Birth Sucks Sometimes – Our Secret Garden
Ever just felt like pregnancy and birth sucks and you're tired of keeping those thoughts to yourself?
Along the wall, behind the ivy, you'll find a hidden door... inside is a hidden world of ancient beauty, anticipation and hard work.
In this garden, anything goes.
You're excited. You've plastered your walls with positive mantra posters. You've encouraged all your friends to take birth classes. You have a doula. Maybe you're birthing in a birth center or at home. You think positive about your pregnancy and birth. You've prepped for natural birth. Maybe you've even watched Orgasmic Birth and anticipate an enjoyable smooth labor.
Then, sometimes... birth sucks.
Sometimes, you just aren't feeling the happy thoughts. Sometimes life happens and pregnancy sucks. Sometimes you just eat the cookie and guzzle a milkshake and lay in bed all day and pregnancy sucks. Sometimes you ache, you complain and you're exhausted trying to feel better. Now where can you turn? Negative thoughts and negative birth stories are often forbidden among "positive birth groups."
Sometimes, you feel like you do everything "right" and it just doesn't make a difference. (Maybe not an immediate difference, anyway).
Want to know one of the most amazing parts of having a perinatal mentor?
You can tell me your secrets.
The thing about sharing your negative feelings is that you're able to better let them go so you can focus more on the positive aspects of your pregnancy, birth, and life. Having a safe space, or mentor, to talk out those thoughts can be an invaluable part of your healing process from a previous birth, overcoming a fear from someone else's birth or working through personal struggles in your relationship and life. Sharing your journey of positivity AND the not so positive is the best approach to a truly wholesome experience.
Sometimes birth sucks; it's true. For some women, accepting this reality allows them to remember their birth in a much more positive light than if they felt mislead or their experience was suppressed because it was too negative to publicly share in the group they felt most connected to. For some women, getting back to some raw feelings during pregnancy or even during labor can help them to move past something that may have annoyed them or angered them and isn't allowing their labor to progress. We live in a very pc world, but those labor instincts don't always play nice with saving face. Sometimes you just have to let it out and get raw.
Sometimes, birth sucks because...
- You're tired.
- You've been laboring for multiple days.
- You've had a lot of prodromal labor.
- You're scared.
- Your family is annoying you.
- Your birth team is annoying you.
- Your birth location is unsupportive of your wishes.
- Too many routines working against biology.
- Too many people in your birth space.
- Too much stuff going on in your birth space.
- You had to make decisions differently than what you expected.
- You had a birth experience differently than anticipated.
- You're hungry or thirsty.
- You keep vomiting when you eat or drink.
- Your labor sensations feel overwhelming.
- You weren't ready for a baby.
- Your birth team feels too distant.
- Your birth team feels too in your space.
- You got the backup provider, especially if you don't mesh with them.
- You have a physical ailment that is draining your energy.
- What can you add to this list?
You don't have to love pregnancy. You don't have to love birth. You don't have to love breastfeeding. You don't have to follow some specific protocol about the way you feel about your birth journey.
You have permission to feel like birth sucks. You have permission to feel whatever you want about your birth, and to stop hiding it.
It doesn't always suck, I promise. There will always be some positive points you'll be able to experience during pregnancy and birth - these are different for each of us. One thing to remember is that talking about some of those positive points when recalling the negative points ensures that you don't mentally rewrite your birth story as only being negative. Our brains are amazing organs capable of tricking us in so many ways and we can use that to our benefit.
"There is a secret in our culture and it is not that birth is painful but that women are strong” - Laura Stavoe
If you're feeling like pregnancy or birth sucks, let's chat. Let's explore why. As a perinatal mentor, not only can I listen to your story, I can provide resources for remedying fears you may have, anger you may feel or just generally needing someone to listen to you tell your story that other groups may not feel prepared to hear. Definitely a huge benefit of private birth classes and mentoring sessions. You get to feel all the feels in this space along with guidance for supported your specific situation.
So, now you've found this door... how will you use it? Will you nurture what's inside and allow the beauty to be seen? It might take some fear, some tears and some hard work - but these parts of you don't have to be a secret anymore. #ALLthebirths